DAYDREAMS AND NIGHTMARES
Author: Isis
by ISIS
Disclaimers: Farscape is the property of Rockne S O'Bannon, Jim Henson Company et al. I make no claim on them. I borrow only. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Category: PWP, romance
Rating: PG 13
Summary: PWP . John indulges in a few daydreams.
Spoilers: Seasons one and two to ³The Locket²
Archiving: You're welcome to it; please tell me where it's at. (louiseboyden@earthlink.net)
Acknowledgements: Thanks as always to Quilt Lady for her great suggestions and criticisms.
PART ONE OF TWO
Enjoy
************
John Crichton awoke with a start and lay groaning in his bed. The underwear he habitually slept in was soaked with sweat and his heart was racing with fear. He laid his forearm across his eyes and took several deep breaths to calm himself. "Another frelling nightmare," he cursed. At the edge of his consciousness he was vaguely aware of the disturbing images that had filled his dreams; Zhaan in a suit, DK attempting suicide, him shooting his father, Rygel in leather, Scorpius sitting in with a band, D'Argo coming on to him, his mother weakened by illness. John rolled over and clutched the pillow to him in despair, wondering yet again whether he was indeed losing his mind. He fought to define more of the images, hoping to make some sense of them.
Aeryn. He smiled. Not all of the images were disturbing, at least for the same reason. He remembered Aeryn in a white,very provocative nurse's uniform. And then in a purple dress, slit very high. His mind reeled at the possibilities. Then other, more comfortable images of Aeryn from previous dreams came to his troubled mind and he clung to them for solace in the dimly lit loneliness of his quarters. In his mind's eye, he saw himself and Aeryn, walking companionably through a beautiful forest, both with the white hair and wrinkled faces of the very elderly. He felt himself begin to relax at the thought of growing old with the beautiful Sebacean, living a life of peace and quiet somewhere, anywhere, with her.
Feeling calmer, John briefly considered trying to go back to sleep, but fear of yet another nightmare drove him from his bed and out into the passageways of the Leviathan that had been his home for nearly two cycles. Taking a microt to wash his face and hands in an effort to wash away the nightmare, he desided to make his way down to the central chamber. Rygel had managed to procure a beverage called gondra that seemed like milk in taste and texture . When John had commented on how it reminded him of the Earth staple, Aeryn had explained that, when heated, it had a sedating effect. When she had gone on to start explaining where it came from, John had laughingly stopped her. "Let me keep my fantasy that it really is milk," he had told her. Her face had registered her concern over his use of the word 'fantasy', but she had honoured his wish.
Pulling on a pair of loose pants, John padded silently down to the central chamber and pulled the gondra from the refrigeration unit. Then he set about laying out the utensils he would need to heat the beverage, turning on the unit that served as the crew's stove, humming softly to himself. The familiar feel of preparing a midnight snack helped to calm him further, and if he didn't look out the portal at the view of deep space, he could almost imaging himself back in his own kitchen. As he gently stirred the gondra, he heard a hurried footfall out in the passageway. Aeryn. He smiled to himself. He should have known she would join him. Ever since he had revealed to her his fears about Scorpius and the inexplicable hold he seemed have over him, she had never been far from his side. After his recent disappearance on the last commerce planet, she had stepped up her vigilance even more. His heart swelled at her silent caring.
"Crichton?" she said as she came into the chamber. She joined him at the stove, leaning against his shoulder as she peered into the pot he was stirring. Then she looked up at him, studying his face worriedly. "Are you all right?"
John smiled down at her, taking in the fact that she had not dressed, and her hair was dishevelled from sleep. "I'm fine, Aeryn. I just couldn't sleep, that's all," he replied, deciding not to burden her with his nightmare. "I thought I'd try some of the gondra you told me about, see if it helps me sleep. Care to join me?" he said, lifting the pot and offering it to her.
Aeryn yawned and leaned back on the edge of the table. She tiredly raked her hand through her hair, pulling it back from her face. "I don't think I'll need any help going back to sleep, but I would like some." She reached up to the shelf above her head, pulling down two cups. She placed them on the table, watching as John dexterously poured the warm liquid into them. She took a seat on the bench while John quickly rinsed out the pot and then joined her. He tried to take a sip then pulled back as the gondra threatened to burn his tongue.
"Damn, too hot!" he complained. "I never could get milk the right temperature either." John set the steaming cup back down on the table, then looked up to find Aeryn staring at him, her eyes a deep blue, and filled with concern.
"You are all right, aren't you, John?" she asked again. "It wasn't Scorpius again, was it?"
"No, Aeryn, it wasn't Scorpius," John replied not entirely truthfully. Aeryn looked skeptical but accepted his answer. He reached out and covered her hand with his. "Look, Aeryn, I am all right." Her eyes clearly told him she did not believe him. He sighed, then met her gaze. "Thanks for caring, though." He reached up and brushed a stray lock of hair back behind her ear.
Aeryn looked down, clearly embarrassed. John felt her withdraw slightly and sighed again. He covered his disappointment by concentrating on his cooling cup of gondra. Taking a tentative sip, he found the temperature just right and took a few more sips before setting the cup down. They sat like that, in uneasy silence. Finally John looked up, remembering his dream of them as an old couple. He smiled imagined them sitting like this, years in the future, sharing a cup of warm milk, or gondra, before going to bed. *Probably early,* he thought with a smile. Aeryn caught his smile and looked at him quizzically. Before she could speak, John suddenly asked," Do you ever think about growing old, Aeryn?"
Aeryn started, clearly surprised at his question. Then she smiled ruefully, "Well, according to Chiana's friends down on the royal cemetery planet, I am old already."
John laughed at the memory, "Yeah, ancient, worn out."
Aeryn hit him playfully, "Okay, enough." Then she grew very serious. "I never really thought I would even live this long, John." She stared at him sadly. "Even though the life expectancy of a Sebacean is about two hundred cycles, PeaceKeepers don't live that long. We don't grow old. We're usually killed long before we begin to weaken from old age. It is just a fact of life. So no, I don't think about growing old."
John stared at her, his heart twisting at her words. The harsh reality of her life as a soldier hit him again. "What if a soldier does survive? Do the PeaceKeepers have some sort of retirement plan? A reward of some kind for lengthy service?"
Aeryn turned to stare out the portal at the stars, a distant look in her eyes. "If a soldier does manage to stay alive, they are given honourable retirement when they are no longer of any value." She looked at him meaningfully. John's eyes widened as what she was saying struck him like a pulse rifle shot. "Most soldiers who do survive manage to achieve promotion. Several of our High Command are among the oldest members of the PeaceKeeper ranks. But even then, membership on the council does not preclude the imposition of honourable retirement, particularly if age interferes with the ability to make wise command decisions." Her rather matter-of-fact tone of voice made the truth of what she was saying even more chilling. She gave a sigh and then looked at John, that somewhat sad, questioning look on her face. "Tell me about old age on Earth."
"Well, back on Earth, Humans tend to retire from work at around age sixty-five, some earlier, some later. For most Humans, retirement is something they look forward to. It's a chance to travel, play golf, or just indulge in the hobbies that they have not had time for while working." He looked over at Aeryn, who was taking in what he was saying in disbelief.
"You come from such a different world, John," she said sadly, after a while. She picked up her gondra and drained the cup. John followed suit and took her cup from her hand, going over to the sink and washing them out. He turned in time to see Aeryn stifling another yawn.
"I think it's time we got you back to bed, Aeryn," he said with a smile. Aeryn's eyes flew to his, uncertain of his meaning. But when she saw only open caring in his eyes, she relaxed and let him lead her from the room and back to her bed. She started to protest when he insisted on tucking her in, but when he explained that it was a time-honoured Earth tradition, she relented. John drew her gold blanket up around her neck and smoothed her hair back from her forehead. Her eyelids were already drooping, a testament to the sedating power of the gondra. He waited until her breathing had slowed before bending and kissing her brow tenderly. He stood and looked down on her sleeping form for a few more microts, before surrendering to the pull towards his own bed.
***************
The next morning, John awoke feeling better rested and more refreshed than he had in a long time. He made a mental note to make sure that the supplies always included a steady supply of gondra in the future. After a soothing hot shower, John dressed in his usual PeaceKeeper surplus attire, and wandered down to the central chamber for breakfast. He found Rygel and Chiana bantering good-naturedly about successful lock-picking methods, with D'Argo watching the Nebari, lost in thought. *Uh,oh,* John thought, *There's trouble in Paradise.* Zhaan was smiling to herself. Stark was nowhere in evidence, but John knew his recent addition to the crew was welcomed particularly by his Delvian shipmate. And Aeryn. She looked up at his entrance, and seeing his relaxed demeanor, flashed him a brilliant smile. John felt his heart swell at her expression. *God, I live for those smiles,* he told himself, grabbing some of the food that Chiana had prepared and taking a seat beside Aeryn.
"Did you sleep well?" she asked him quietly.
"Yes, I did. Thanks for the tip about the gondra," he replied.
Aeryn smiled at him again and then turned her attention to her meal. John let the conversations of the others wash over him. Watching Aeryn, he allowed his mind to wander. His visions of the two of them as an old retired couple, together with their conversation of the night before had started him thinking. He stared at Aeryn, lost in thought. *What would she have been like if she had been raised on Earth?* he asked himself. *How different would she have been if she had experienced parents, childhood, high school, college?* He smiled to himself at the vision of Aeryn as a gawky adolescent, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, her arms filled with textbooks. What kind of a high school student would she have been? Probably not a science geek, like him. A cheerleader? He smiled at the image. No. A jock? He let his gaze pass over her slender form, sleek and well-toned. Perhaps. He could see her as a track and field athlete, or perhaps basketball or volleyball. Yes, a team sport. He smiled again, taking an absent bite of the egg-like substance on his plate, warming to his daydream. Then he studied her face again. Popular? No, Aeryn would have been one of the silent majority, a hard-working but quiet student, happy to be lost in the crowd. An ugly duckling of a girl with the kind of swanlike potential that teenage boys ignored in favour of the peacock beauty of unattainable prom queens. Had he known her in high school, John figured he would probably have not paid any real attention to her, caught up in his own foolish (and futile) pursuit of blond cheerleader types. He studied her face again, a gentle smile crossing his features. Perhaps there was something to be said for being pulled across the universe in a spatial anomaly.
Aeryn looked up just then and caught his eyes on her, and his smile. "What?" she asked. "What is it?"
"Nothing, Aeryn. Just thinking, that's all." He smiled to reassure her. She stared at him skeptically, clearly not accepting his explanation. Then she was all business. "If you're nearly finished there, I could use your help installing that new thruster on my Prowler."
John shook his head to clear away the last of his speculative thoughts. "Certainly, Aeryn. I am yours to command." She studied his face carefully to see whether he was teasing her, then cleared her place and left the chamber, telling him to meet her in the maintenance bay in a half arn.
***************
Three and a half arns later, in the maintenance bay, John found himself reduced to gofer. Aeryn's request for assistance in installing the new thruster had amounted to needing someone to fetch and carry for her. Somewhat frustrated, John had watched the dark-haired Sebacean as she slid from one awkward position to the next, ordering him to hold this or pass her that in a tone that would have done justice to Rygel at the height of his power. Quelling his disappointment, John let his thoughts wander back to the speculation he had started at breakfast. He watched Aeryn capably lift and install a rather complicated piece of equipment on her Prowler, a procedure that she would have disparaged as tech work only two cycles before.
*Okay, high school aside, what kind of a career would the delectable Aeryn Sun have pursued had she been raised on Earth?* John asked himself, watching her skilfully light the welding torch and begin the final installation.
The first thought that entered his mind was of course, military. But the more he came to know the beautiful ex-PeaceKeeper, the more John realised that that life had been forced on her. Given the choice, the Human felt that she would have taken quite a different path. He watched her as she welded the new thruster into place, the blue flame from the torch flashing in the dark sheen of her hair.
Mechanic? No, she was capable but not happy with her new role as maintenance tech aboard Moya. For a microt, his mind was filled again with the image of Aeryn in a white lab coat, with a stethoscope draped around her neck. Doctor? Nurse? he smiled at the image. No, somehow, though he felt she was fully capable of it, he didn't think that would be where her interest would lie.
Below him, Aeryn flicked off the welding torch and flashed him a brief triumphant smile. "Okay, you can let go now," she ordered.
Leaning out of the cockpit, John released his grip on the thruster and smiled when it stayed in place. "Great, Aeryn. Now what?"
Aeryn climbed up to join him in the Prowler's cockpit. "Now we finish attaching the last cables and wires."
John groaned, surveying the tangled mass before them. "Maybe it's time to take a break, Aeryn."
Aeryn tensed at his words, unwilling to acknowledge the weariness she was feeling from the three solid arns they had already spent. Then she recognised the wisdom of the Human's suggestion and stood up, offering him her hand. "You're right, Crichton. I could use some water."
They wandered happily down to the central chamber in search of refreshment. John motioned Aeryn to sit down while he filled a couple of glasses with water. Searching through the refrigeration unit, he pulled out the last of the peach-like fruit they had purchased on their last supply run. Aeryn's eyes lit up with delight when he triumphantly placed one in front of her. "Muudlaa!" she exclaimed, seizing the fruit. Her blue eyes glowed as she gave him a brilliant smile. "I thought they were all gone. How did you manage ...?" she asked.
"Rygel's not the only one with hiding places for food," he smirked. "I snerched these two right out from under his nose." He watched with pleasure as Aeryn took a bite of the soft flesh, giggling a bit as the juice ran down her chin. "I know how much you like these."
Aeryn's satisfaction as she caught the juice with her hand and sucked her fingers made John's heart swell with happiness. She quickly polished off her treat and even went so far as to eye his muudlaa hungrily. "No way, José!" John cried, laughing at her obvious confusion as she looked around the room to see who he was addressing. When she returned to face him, he was licking his fingers exaggeratedly, the pit of the devoured fruit on the table in front of him. The look of sheer disappointment on her face made him laugh again. "Aren't you going to thank me, Aeryn?"
Aeryn's eyes locked with his and John suddenly felt the atmosphere grow unbreathable. She moved slowly forward, bringing her face closer and closer to his. When her eyes dropped to his mouth, John felt the rattlers take over his stomach. Suddenly she leaned forward and quickly kissed the corner of his mouth, her tongue flicking out to capture the drop of muudlaa juice that was there. Then she was gone, out the door and headed back towards the maintenance bay. John sat there stunned, then his lips curved into a slow, satisfied smile.
"Coming, Crichton?" her voice rang back down the passageway to him. He could hear her triumphant smile. John flicked his lip with the edge of his thumb and scrambled after her, grinning broadly.
On his return to the maintenance bay, John found Aeryn already hard at work. She paused long enough to cast him another triumphant smirk, then handed him a connector and pointed out what wire attached where. They worked together in companionable silence for another arn. When John had finished his connections, he put down the tool and sat back, watching his Sebacean crewmate work. He let his mind wander back to his earlier speculation.
*Aeryn on Earth. Hmmm?* he thought. *What career would she have pursued?* His thoughts returned to their discussion of nearly a cycle past, when she had been teaching him to fly the transport pod.
"I see it in your eye. You miss the thrill of combat flying," he had stated.
"I miss the teamwork of combat flying," she had countered.
He watched Aeryn as she finished with her connections, running her hand almost lovingly over the fuselage. He smiled to himself, *You would have been a pilot on Earth, too, Miss Sun.* he said to himself. *Just like me; no matter what you say, you love flying.*
She looked up then and caught him watching her again, just as he had been at breakfast. "Okay, Crichton, what is it?"
John jumped down and took the connector from her hand, turning to replace it in the tool kit. "Nothing, Aeryn, just thinking," he replied.
Aeryn stood back, her hands on her hips, impatient with his evasive answer. "You were *just thinking* this morning too. What were you thinking about?"
He smiled secretly at her again, driving her crazy with curiosity. Then he took pity on her. "I was just thinking that I can't wait for you to show me how this new thruster is going to affect the Prowler's performance. How 'bout taking her for a spin?"
John was delighted to see her eyes brighten at his suggestion. *Oh yeah, lady, you love to fly.* Then she hesitated. Finally, Aeryn sighed, casting a longing glance at the docking bay doors, as if she could see through them to the space that called.
"Not yet, John. I want the DRD's to go over it once more, to double check that everything is in working order. It will take another twelve arns." She grinned at him, "But tomorrow, you're on."
John grinned boyishly back at her. "It's a date, Aeryn."
***************
*Dating Aeryn?* John wondered, as he passed an uneventful duty in Command later the next day, or what passed for day on the Leviathan. He had revised his earlier decision that Aeryn would have been a pilot on Earth. They had taken the Prowler out, as planned, during which Aeryn had insisted on first instructing him, then testing him, on flying it. *She would have been a flight instructor,* he decided to himself. *And a very demanding one at that,*
John recalled his own flight instructor. His Dad had taught him the basics, but it had been slightly overweight and balding Colonel Thomas who had prepared him to fly the shuttle. Next to Aeryn, the man was a pussycat.
He saw her again in his mind's eye, her matter-of-fact tone of voice as she explained the new connections; the way she grabbed his hands without embarrassment and showed him how to manoeuvre the controls, seemingly unaware of their closeness in the confined cockpit; her grudging patience at his mistakes; her radiant smile when he executed her commands flawlessly.
*What if Aeryn had been my flight instructor back on Earth?* he speculated. Then he began to laugh uncontrollably. *I certainly wouldn't be here! I never would have passed the exam. I would have been concentrating more on how to ask her out than on what she was trying to teach me.* He snorted, remembering the numerous times he had crashed and burned with women back on Earth. Especially after Alex. When she left, he had lost all his confidence. Then he sobered. * No, I would still be here. No matter what, Aeryn would have made sure I passed that exam. It's not in her nature to let me fail. And that won't ever change about her,* he decided, with a smile.
After a short conversation with Pilot about a strange reading on the console, John let his mind drift again, thoroughly enjoying this daydream he was having.
*Dating Aeryn,* he thought again when the non-crisis was past. *How would that have happened if I had known her on Earth?* He pondered the question. Aeryn would not have had that fierce PeaceKeeper reserve but he couldn't really see her as a singles bar type either. He frowned as the passing image of Aeryn in a sequined top and thigh high slit skirt, dancing feverishly under a disco ball crossed his mind again. He shook his head and wondered yet again what Freudian part of his brain kept conjuring up that picture.
*No, asking Aeryn out on a date would probably have been as difficult on Earth as it is to try to get closer to her here,* the Human concluded. *Next to her, Alex was a pushover,* he thought, remembering the number of times he had had to repeat his request for a date with the beautiful med student when she had spent two years at MIT, working on her Masters in medical technology. She had not been interested in someone studying something as nebulous as Cosmic Theory. And his reckless ways had in fact turned her off. But she had finally given in to his ready smile and persistence, and look where it had led. John heaved a wistful sigh over his lost love and what might have been.
No, Aeryn would probably be wary of his 'charming smile', remembering her annoyance at Furlow, when the mechanic had responded to it on Dam-Ba-Da. John grinned. *I would probably have resorted to the 'Dad factor' to break the ice with her,* he thought wickedly. Despite his feelings of never being able to live up to his father's reputation, John remembered that he had not been adverse to using his relationship with a famous astronaut to impress the occasional girl. D.K. had called it the 'Dad factor', not a little enviously, he recalled. Yes, he could easily see a Human Aeryn unable to resist a chance to view a shuttle launch up close and personal.
His thoughts turned to subsequent dates with the Aeryn of his imagination. *Dinner and a movie?* he thought. *Possibly, depending on the movie. Dancing?* John's lips curved into a smile at the very pleasant thought of dancing with Aeryn. *Not disco or techno,* he grimaced.*Something slow, and smooth.* He could well imagine Aeryn sharing his love of jazz. *Charlie Parker. Miles Davis. Maybe a little Duke Ellington.* John closed his eyes in pleasure. "Oh yes!" he said out loud.
"Yes, what?" an amused voice said from behind him. John turned to see the object of his daydreams standing behind him, watching him with an enigmatic smile on her face, her thumbs hooked in the waistband of her black leather pants. He surprised her by suddenly grabbing her in his arms and waltzing her shocked form around the Command, humming a few strains of 'Satin Doll' to himself. She let herself relax into his arms, but her face showed concern and not a little fear at his unusual behaviour. Not wanting to alarm her further, John stopped and leaned forward to gently kiss her forehead before letting her go.
"John?" she said, her eyes studying his, looking for signs of his returning mental instability.
"Don't worry, Aeryn, I'm fine," he reassured her. "Just reliving a bit of home." He reached out and gently caressed her cheek. He stared into her sapphire blue gaze with a tender expression in his own very blue eyes, then he stepped back from her, turning his attention once more to the command table and its routine readouts. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to relieve you," she said.
John looked at the chronometer on the console. "My shift is over already?" he asked in surprise.
Aeryn stepped forward, worried again. "Yes, John." Her eyes searched his face, seeking some sign of the distress he had confided to her earlier.
John's heart raced at the evidence of her caring. He smiled at her happily. "Aeryn, relax. I'm okay, really. I just let my mind wander and time passed very quickly, that's all. And they were very pleasant thoughts. No Scorpius." He caressed her cheek again, lightly. Then he turned away from her. "Well, I'm for bed. Have a pleasant shift. 'Night, Aeryn."
Aeryn watched him go, her stance a little more relaxed. "Good night, John. Sweet dreams," she said, using one of his Earth expressions, even though its meaning escaped her.
John stopped and turned to look at her, his expression unreadable. Then he smiled happily. "Oh, they are, Aeryn. They are."
*********End Part One*********
DAYDREAMS AND NIGHTMARES by ISIS
PART TWO OF TWO
Enjoy
************
The next morning, John awoke and stretched luxuriantly in his bed, happy to have spent yet another night free of the disturbing nightmares. *Things are definitely looking up.* he thought optimistically. * Freudian or not, my little daydream seems to be having a positive effect. If I can stay with these images, perhaps Scorpius will go away for good.*
He dressed quickly and joined the others for breakfast. Aeryn looked up at his entrance and smiled again. Zhaan studied her Human crewmate and was well pleased by his relaxed manner. Her conversation with Stark the night before had worried her. His description of the mental anguish he had suffered after the Aurora Chair had been profoundly disturbing. She worried intensely for her Human shipmate, a being far less skilled in the manipulation of the mind than Stark. She saw the look that passed between the Human and the Sebacean and her heart swelled with hope. The connection between them, even though it was unacknowledged, might be the salvation of the being she had come to care very deeply for.
Breakfast was a pleasant affair as the crew enjoyed the respite from the turmoil that plagued so much of their lives. John noted that Chiana and D'Argo seemed to be close once more. Rygel was pleased that the crew seemed to be happy with his latest commerce planet trading expedition. Zhaan and Stark overlooked the proceedings like a mother and father, and even Aeryn joined in the laughter at some of Rygel's more outrageous stories of life in the Hynerian court. Chiana and D'Argo were the first to leave, their intentions obvious from the significant looks they had been casting at one another all through the meal. Rygel harrumphed indignantly, but was quelled by a look from Zhaan. When she and Stark left together as well, the little Dominar sped out of the chamber muttering to himself about bipedal beings and their urges. John felt a sense of isolation, seeing the happy pairing off of his shipmates. He looked deliberately at Aeryn, whose attention was suddenly very focussed on the remains of her meal. He watched her carefully, without a word, until he finally caught her glancing up at him. His warm smile had her lowering her eyes again in embarrassment at being caught. But she couldn't hide the soft smile that swept across her lips. His heart beat faster at the sight, *Soon, my girl, soon,* he thought.
Rapidly changing the direction of his thoughts, John spoke into the quiet. "So, what's on the agenda for today, Aeryn?"
She jumped slightly at the sudden sound of his voice and then she was controlled. "Pilot has asked us to take a look at the primary neural nexus. Ever since the birth of her child, Moya has been experiencing twinges, probably left over from the removal of the Paddak beacon. We need to check every nerve fibre to make sure that there are no lingering traces of the connections." She smiled briefly at John and then rose to clear her place.
"I'm there, Aeryn. Give me a quarter arn with a dentic and I'll meet you down there." Aeryn cast him another gentle smile and then left the room.
John listened to her footsteps grow fainter down the hall. He let his gaze fall to his plate, eyeing the last of his breakfast without really seeing it. Instead, he allowed himself the luxury of falling back into his oh-so-pleasant daydream.
*Okay, we've covered high school, career, dating, what next?* His heart and what had happened between them, however briefly this morning, gave him the answer. *Oh, man, what would it have been like to propose to Aeryn on Earth?* John thought back to his one and only near proposal, his heart still twisting in remembered pain at Alex's decision to leave him. In retrospect, he realised her career had been equally as important as her relationships. Since he had been the same, he couldn't fault her. It didn't make it hurt any less though.
Thinking of Aeryn, who had given up everything, her life, her career, her people, at a few simple words from him, John realised that if his relationship with an Earthly Aeryn had ever reached the stage of him considering proposing marriage, then Aeryn's heart and mind would already have been made up to accept. She would have cut off the relationship with him long before he reached that stage with her. He smiled and cleared his place, then headed out of the central chamber to the washroom.
He spit the dentic out and watched it swim back into its holding tank. Despite his continuing nervousness about using the disgusting creatures, John had to admit they were very efficient. He checked his appearance in the metallic surface that served as a mirror and imagined himself preparing for his date with Aeryn, the one at which he would pop the question. His reveries were interrupted by the sound of a very impatient Sebacean comming him that he was late. He grinned at his image and trotted off to join her.
John wriggled through the DRD-widened, yet still-narrow passageway into the primary neural nexus chamber and found Aeryn communicating with Pilot, studying a schematic. She barely acknowledged his arrival and when she had signed off, quickly indicated the search grid that she and Pilot had established. She handed John a sensor and a flashlight and sent him off the the opposite side of the chamber. John sighed at her distant attitude and quickly let his mind wander as he began the tedious job of passing the sensor over every inch of Moya's extensive neural network.
*Okay, John, where would you have proposed to Aeryn, had you been on Earth?* he asked himself. Somehow he didn't think the red sheets and champagne scenario would be in keeping with the Human Aeryn his imagination had conjured up. He watched Aeryn work across the chamber from him for a few microts, then looked quickly back down to his own work when she cast a sudden glance in his direction. *Sincerity, simplicity,* he thought. All the times he and Aeryn had opened up to each other under the star-filled canopy of the terrace, their favourite place, convinced John that an Earthly Aeryn would need the same setting. The Human's thoughts were soon caught up in his daydream; visions of himself and Aeryn driving to a place outside the city where the stars filled the skies with light; their quiet, silent star-gazing, wrapped in a blanket against the chill; then gazing into her beautiful eyes and gently asking her to marry him. John felt his own heart race as if he were indeed asking her, holding his breath awaiting her answer. He imagined the emotions that would cross her face, surprise, embarrassment, uncertainty, then finally joy and love as she said yes. He closed his eyes with a murmured sigh, unwilling to release the intoxicating image.
When he opened his eyes in the dim light of the nexus chamber, he found a very concerned Aeryn standing on the other side of one of Moya's rope-like neurons, studying his face worriedly. Her left hand lay gently on his as it rested on the neuron. "John?" she said tentatively.
John returned her gaze for a microt, his face unreadable. He pulled himself reluctantly back from his pleasant daydream. Instead, he let himself be lost in Aeryn's sapphire eyes, his eyes taking in her dark hair, lying unbound around her shoulders, the whiteness of her skin and the sculpted beauty of her cheekbones, brow and throat. His gaze dropped to her hand where it lay covering his. He turned his hand and gently wove his fingers with hers. Aeryn's eyes grew troubled at his unusual actions. John lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles. Then he let his fingers encircle her slender ring finger, imagining himself placing his ring there.
"John?" Aeryn asked again, her voice growing more alarmed. "Are you all right?"
John suddenly grinned at her and kissed her hand again, an exaggerated sloppy kiss this time. Then he laughed. Aeryn watched him in confusion. "You have such lovely hands, Aeryn, I couldn't resist." He raised her hand to his lips once more, this time playfully nibbling at her knuckles, tickling her. Aeryn's expression lightened somewhat, and she pulled her hand away.
"You are very odd, Crichton," she replied, but John could see she was pleased at his compliment. Suddenly the sensor in John's hands jangled to life. The rest of their time was spent being guided by Pilot in the removal of the broken end of the Peacekeeper Paddak beacon connection. John felt Aeryn's gaze on him repeatedly, but each time he reverted to his normal bizarre Human behaviour and eventually he felt her relax.
In an effort to recapture the pleasant feelings of the afternoon, John excused himself rather abruptly from dinner and went to sit on the floor of the terrace. He let his mind drift back over the daydreams he had been indulging in over the last two days. Aeryn on earth. Him on earth with Aeryn. He smiled gently at the fading daydream. Then he looked out through the transparent material that separated him from the cold vacuum of space and sighed.
Behind him, he heard the door to the terrace swing open. Without turning he knew who had entered and his heart swelled again at the affirmation of her concern and caring. He shifted around and silently watched her tentative approach. He closed his eyes and in a final indulgence shifted himself mentally to a church, decorated simply with flowers and filled with only their closest friends and relatives. He heard in his mind the swelling strains of an organ then opened his eyes as if he were watching his bride approach.
Aeryn moved slowly towards him across the terrace, her eyes fixed on his face. She searched desperately for come sign that he was once more in the throes of the hallucination of Scorpius and the Aurora Chair. But instead, she saw his face light with some other positive emotion. His eyes glowed as they watched her draw closer, and a satisfied smile spread across his face. As she came closer, Aeryn saw him stretch out his hand to her. Uncertain, Aeryn reached out and took his hand, letting him pull her down beside him. "John?" she said again. "John, I was worried about you. You left dinner so quickly, Zhaan and I ..."
John silenced her with a gentle finger across her lips. Aeryn's eye flew to his. He smiled serenely down at her and she relaxed slightly. "Shhh, Aeryn. Don't worry. I'm fine." He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her up against his side. "Just sit here with me for a while."
Aeryn relaxed more against him. But her curiosity and worry got the better of her. "John, I've been concerned about you. You have been acting so odd lately. Is it Scorpius?"
John sighed, then tightened his arm around Aeryn's waist. He bent to press a gentle kiss against her hair. "I'm sorry, Aeryn, if I worried you. I've just been daydreaming." At her quizzical expression, he smiled. "Daydreaming. It's like dreaming at night, only you're awake. You just let your imagination wander. It's very relaxing. And satisfying." He suddenly pulled her more completely into his arms, shifting them so that she was sitting with her back against his chest, staring out at the stars. John smiled to feel her relax immediately against him. He rubbed his cheek against her hair, breathing in its delicate scent.
"So tell me what you have been daydreaming about."
John smiled, suddenly unsure about sharing his thoughts with her.
"John?"
He pressed a soft kiss against her temple and plunged in. "I was wondering what you would have been like if you had been raised on Earth."
Aeryn turned to gaze at him in shock, clearly not expecting his answer. John grinned down at her, somewhat embarrassed.
"Me, on Earth?"
"Yeah. It sounds crazy now," John admitted.
Aeryn relaxed back against him. He could not see the happy smile that played around her lips. "No, John, actually, I find it intriguing. Was I a good person?"
John's heart wrenched at her question, evidence still of her feelings of unworthiness and insecurity. He tightened his arms around her and whispered into her ear. "The best. Someone I wanted to get to know and came to trust and rely on, just like here." *And love,* he thought, but did not say out loud.
Aeryn snuggled back into his embrace. "It sounds like you think we're destined to be together," she commented, then grew very still as the enormity of what she had revealed overcame her.
John could feel her body tighten in shock. He lowered his head slightly to nuzzle her neck, until he felt her relax again. He reached up slowly with one hand to cup and turn her face towards him. He met the startled look in her eyes with a warm, affectionate gaze. Then his eyes dropped to her lips. As he bent towards her mouth, he smiled and whispered, "I'd like to think so." Then he claimed her mouth in a tender kiss.
Aeryn responded to his kiss with a sigh. Her lips parted under the gentle pressure of his and John deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding into her sweet mouth to dance with her own. Aeryn's arm slid up around his neck and she shifted slightly in his arms, unconsciously seeking to press herself closer into his warmth.
They were so lost in each other, that Pilot had to repeat his call. With a frustrated groan, John pulled his mouth from Aeryn's. He sat for a microt staring down into her eyes, looking for something he could not quite define. Then Pilot called yet again and he hit his commbadge to answer. "Yes, Pilot? What is it?" As he spoke, John could feel Aeryn shift slightly away from him.
"The others would like to meet with you and Aeryn in Command to try to plan a strategy for recovering Jothee."
John met Aeryn's suddenly guarded gaze and he replied, "We'll be right there." The ex-Peacekeeper was already scrambling to her feet and heading towards the door. John closed the comm link and then rose to his feet, turning quickly to Aeryn. "Aeryn?" he called softly.
She turned, her face unreadable, the Peacekeeper mask back in place. "We had better not keep the others waiting, John," she said, her voice strangely uncertain in spite of her expression. Then she smiled and reached out her hand to him. "Coming?"
The Human paused for a moment, disappointment warring with hope. Then he smiled, hope winning out. *At least she called me John,* he thought. He took her hand and together they made their way to Command.
***************For the next few days, things were reasonably quiet aboard Moya. There was the occasional squabble as D'Argo lost his temper with various members of the crew, but they soon forgave him, knowing how tense he was about reaching Jothee before the slave auction.
Since their pleasurable encounter on the terrace, John had seen little of Aeryn. The crew had been kept busy making repairs to Moya and the Prowler, in preparation for the anticipated struggle to come. Command duties had been stepped up as well, so the crew was pulled in many different directions, not even meeting at mealtimes. John had tried to find some time alone with his Sebacean shipmate, but it had not been possible. However, unlike other times when she had deliberately avoided him after one of their more intimate encounters, John was encouraged by a feeling that Aeryn was not hiding from him this time; that her absence was indeed due to the increased activity and sense of urgency they all felt. A few times when they had met at hurriedly eaten meals, he had caught her watching him, a look of deep concentration on her face. They had shared several smiles but as yet no conversation.
John's mood was also lightened by the absence of the nightmares that had troubled him. His sleep had been undisturbed for several nights. He attributed his newfound calm to his pleasant daydream, and to his belief that his relationship with Aeryn was moving forward, albeit slowly.
Then one night, in the middle of the sleep period, John was heading back to his quarters, weary after an extended duty in Command. Suddenly, there was a stifled scream from Aeryn's room. John raced immediately to her quarters, hitting the door lock, and running in. Aeryn was sitting up in her bed, her sleeveless grey t-shirt drenched in sweat, her breath coming in great heaving gasps. Her eyes were wild and her hair was plastered to her forehead. John approached her carefully so as not to frighten her any further, calling her name softly. She looked at him for a microt as if she was not seeing him then her face crumpled and she said his name, a note of pleading in her voice. John quickly sat down beside her and drew her into his comforting embrace, shocked to feel her shivering. He whispered to her, stroking her hair and back to calm her. Finally, he felt her relax somewhat. He leaned back from her to look into her eyes.
"Hey," he said with a slow smile.
Aeryn smiled slightly at his foolishness. "Hey!"
"No way. You have to tell me what happened, Aeryn. So, hey."
Aeryn leaned back into him for comfort. John wrapped her once more in his arms, growing a little more concerned. Just when he thought she would not answer him, Aeryn started.
"I had a dream, John. It was ... unpleasant." She looked up at him, her eyes still troubled.
"I think it was a little more than just unpleasant Aeryn. You woke up screaming. That was a full-fledged nightmare." He looked down at her and gently stroked her cheek. "Do you remember any of it?"
She nodded. "I was thinking about what you said a few days ago. About your daydream. Thinking about what I would have been like if I had been raised on Earth." She smiled weakly up at him. "It seemed to make you so happy."
"It did, sweetheart. I think it was the best therapy. But what has that got to do with your nightmare?"
"I dreamed that you were a Peacekeeper. I guess my mind started to think along the same lines." She looked down, suddenly upset again. "It was awful, John. You weren't you anymore. You were like Crais, unfeeling, driven, manipulative, abusive." She took another deep shuddering breath.
John tightened his arms around her, gently kissing her forehead. Aeryn wrapped her own arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder, drawing comfort and strength from his presence. They sat like that for a while. Then John leaned back and smiled down into her eyes. "I think this calls for another midnight gondra."
Aeryn returned his smile and pulled out of his arms, pushing her tangled hair out of his eyes. "Yes, John. I think that would help a lot."
He helped her get out of the tangle of her sheets and together they walked to the central chamber. As before, John prepared the gondra, humming as he stirred the heating white liquid. He turned to check on Aeryn a couple of times, worried when he saw her slumped on the bench, her expression dark with remembered images from her nightmare. Finally, he turned and with an exaggerated flourish, presented her with the steaming cup of gondra. He took a reckless sip of his own, yelping as he burned the tip of his tongue. "Damn! Still too hot! I'll never get this right if I live to be a old as Methuselah!"
Aeryn looked at him quizzically and he was pleased to see her patented Human nonsense expression return to her face. She watched him wash out the pot and utensils as they waited for the gondra to cool. Then he came and sat next to her on the bench, deliberately leaning into her shoulder. "I'm sorry if my silly daydream caused this, Aeryn. I would never do anything to upset you, to hurt you in any way."
Aeryn smiled at him, her sapphire eyes filled with warmth and caring. "I know that, John. This had nothing to do with you. I'm probably more worried about what will happen when we reach the slave auction than I'm willing to let on. My mind is just reacting strangely to the stress, that's all." She took a sip of her gondra. "It's fine now, John."
They drank the warm liquid in silence. Once the cups were drained, John took them over to the sink and washed them as before. He turned back in time to see Aeryn give a great yawn and start to lay her head down on the table. "No, no, no, Aeryn, you can't sleep here. Let's get you back to your quarters." He pulled her to her feet and held onto her as she swayed slightly, overcome by sleep. As he started to lead her out of the chamber, Aeryn suddenly stopped him, turning in his arms to face him.
"I'm glad you're you, John. I'm glad you came through the wormhole and I'm glad that I met you." She stood, studying his face as if memorizing it for her dreams. Then she reached up gently and caressed his cheek before pulling his mouth down to hers. John's arms tightened around her as he molded her against his body. Aeryn linked her arms around the back of his neck and pressed herself against him as their tender kiss become more passionate, more demanding. John felt his body responding to her passion and he tore his mouth from hers to trail kisses down her jaw and throat. Finally, he raised his head to look down at her, intending to ask her to stay with him, to be with him, as he had dreamed of so many times.
Aeryn's eyes closed suddenly and she collapsed into his arms with a soft sigh, overcome by the sedative effects of the gondra. John caught her to him with a groan of frustration. He stared down into her sleeping countenance, then started to laugh softly at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Oh, baby, our timing leaves a lot to be desired," he said to her lightly snoring form. Then he lifted her in his arms and carried her to her quarters, revelling in the feel of her in his arms. He tucked her back into her bed and kissed her lips softly. She smiled in her sleep and whispered his name, which made him smile. "Soon, my love, soon," he promised, brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead. "Good night, my sleeping beauty. Sweet dreams."
FIN
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