Show me the meaning of being lonely

By: Mark Sherstone/ marks@caverock.net.nz

Feedback: God yes!

Archiving: email first

Thanks: Thanks to Aeryn-PKgirl for the beta!

Rating: PG

Category: Romance

Warnings: References to some previous eps. Story takes place after TWWW.

Summary: John remenbers a song from Earth and thinks of Aeryn

Disclaimer: Regrettably I have no claim to Farscape. The song 'Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely' isn't mine either, it belongs to the Backstreet Boys.
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John walked the halls of Moya trying to figure out what to do. Ever since he had gotten there he spent most of his time doing just that. But this was different, this was about a beautiful Sebacean woman named Aeryn Sun. If he was on Earth he would know the rules, no worries, but he wasn't. Just when he had things sort of figured out, Aeryn's past had came back and bit them all in the ass. John stopped as the opening line to a song he had heard on Earth crossed his mind. He then found himself remembering the whole song. It seemed very appropriate.

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Yourevery wish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

John soon found himself outside Aeryn's room. She seemed so Aeryn when she was asleep. No Peacekeeper mask, no kick-ass commando. Just plain Aeryn Sun, woman, female, and so beautiful. There in lay the problem, she was a woman, but not human. John had no real idea of how to proceed and from what Aeryn had said most Peacekeepers saw sex as recreation and nothing more. //Until Velorek// John thought. John wanted Aeryn in a way he had never wanted Alex. He was pretty sure he'd never see Earth again. Even if he did, would he go back? Could he go back? Not likely. His home was on Moya with Aeryn and the others.

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

John spent the next half arn just watching Aeryn sleep. He knew what she felt like when he held her in his arms. She felt warm, alive and so womanly. //Admit it John// he told himself //you're in love with an alien!// That was the weird part though, it didn't feel wrong, just the opposite, it felt *so* right. Could he ever tell her how he felt? Without realizing it John sang the last part of the song softly.

"There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart."

John smiled sadly at Aeryn's sleeping form and sighed heavily "I love you Aeryn Sun. But can I ever tell you that?" With that John turned and headed alone to his quarters. As he walked down the hall he didn't notice in the dim light that Aeryn had opened her eyes.

Aeryn became aware that John was outside her quarters. She didn't want to scare him off like she had done so many times before. After the revelations involing Velorek and Pilot, she found she didn't want to push him away anymore. So she just pretened to be asleep then she heard John sing what sounded like a part of a sad love song or at least that's what she thought it was. Then she heard John admit to her that he loved her. She heard him walk away, back to his quarters most likely. Aeryn sat up and smiled.

"I love you too, John." She said quietly, "and it's time we admit to each other." With that Aeryn got up and got dressed. If you could call one of the golden sheets wraped round her body dressed, all she had on was a pair of John's Calvins. Aeryn smiled in rememberance of the first time she had worn them, and John's reaction to wearing them. //It must please him// Aeryn thought, //he has never asked for them back//

As Aeryn walked to John's quarters she remembered the part of the song John had sang. A very small part of her brain, the part that was still Peacekeeper, screamed that what she was thinking was wrong, but the much bigger, free-thinking part told it to shut the frell up and to remember 'just the once' and there was nothing wrong in wanting to be loved, or being loved. Aeryn stopped just outside John's room. He sat on the bed with his back to the door, obviouly deep in thought. Without really thinking Aeryn plamed the door control.

John heard the door to his quarters open. He turned to see Aeryn wrapped in a sheet and his Calvins. John opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Then at last his voice came.

"Aeryn? What's wrong? What are you doing up?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing, John." Aeryn replied with a coy smile

John's eyes went wide. //OH FRELL!// John's mind screamed, //she knows doesn't she// "You weren't asleep were you, Aeryn?" John asked.

"No I wasn't... and I love you too, John." as Aeryn finished speaking she let go of the sheet and it fell forgotten to the floor.

John's eyes went even wider in appreciation of what he was seeing, but he remembered his manners. "Aeryn are you sure about this?" he asked with quiet concern.

"Yes John very sure. I want it to be more than just the once."

At that John blushed slightly and smiled.

"And you sang that sad love song too. How could I not love you, John?"

"I sang to you?" John asked, suprised.

Aeryn smiled //he didn't realize he sang to me// She thought //it means even more// So Aeryn sang the part of the song John had sang to her.

"There's nowhere to run I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart."

John was taken aback, not only by what he had sung, but by Aeryn's voice. He had never heard such range and emotion come from the woman before him. John raised his hands in surrender. "Ok Aeryn you cought me. I do love you very much. Come here Aeryn I want to be with you tonight," he said softly.

Aeryn smiled and her blue-grey eyes sparkled with mischief and she pratactlly leapt into his arms, kissing him like she had in the Flax, but this time they weren't going to die.

Fin

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